just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
