apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
