Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
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i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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