I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
