And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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