Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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