i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
