i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
