this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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