From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize