ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
