I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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