In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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