i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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