ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
