if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
