she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
