well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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