Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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