Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
