She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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