wanna go halves on a baby?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
