You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
