if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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