Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
