my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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