Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
