she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
