you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
