i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
