Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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