eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
