I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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