I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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