You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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