Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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