dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
