It's like God shit irony all over that family
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
