I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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