I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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