He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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