I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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