Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
