On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
