Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
