he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
