According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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