my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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