Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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