drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
