I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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