that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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