I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
