i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
