It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
