Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
