apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO