I don't remember. Are we still dating?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me