You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...