You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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