i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
