she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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