Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.