I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever