I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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