its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
