You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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