Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
