we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
