I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
