well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
