I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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