Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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