new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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