I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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