All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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