I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
