Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
